Happiness isn’t a math problem
Hungry? Eat. Thirsty? Drink. Unhappy? That one doesn’t work the same way.
This is the deep end, and it's the one day of my newsletter regimen that is purely philosophical and not design related. Enjoy.
I was listening to Arthur Brooks on Modern Wisdom recently, and he brought up an idea I haven’t been able to shake: there are left brain problems, and there are right brain problems.
Left brain problems are the ones you can solve with logic. A math equation. How to frame a house. How to engineer a bridge that holds up under the weight of 1,000 cars at peak hours. There’s a right answer, you can find it, and once you do, you’re done.
Right brain problems don’t work like that. They don’t have one right answer, they have a bunch of them, or none, depending on who you ask. Is this painting beautiful? Why do you love your kid? Where did we come from? (Neuroscientists will tell you the left brain/right brain split is a lot messier than that, and they’re right. Stick with me, it’s a useful shorthand.)
Art doesn’t have a right or wrong. It just... is. And whether it’s beautiful is mostly up to whoever’s looking at it.
People are the same. You don’t know why you love your spouse or your parents. You just do. Try to explain it and you’ll end up with a list of reasons that are all true and somehow miss the point entirely.
And the biggest right brain problem of all is the one we treat the most like a math equation: happiness.
Hungry? Eat. Lonely? Call a friend. Unhappy? …hm.
Here’s the argument, and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since.
Almost every want we have points at something that exists to satisfy it. I’m hungry, so there’s food. I’m thirsty, so there’s water. I’m lonely, so there are friends, and a spouse, and a dinner table to put them around. The ache is basically evidence that the thing is out there to be found.
Happiness feels like it belongs on that list, it feels like a want with an object to satisfy it, and we are unable to do so. Get the job, the house, the number in the bank account, and the ache goes away?
I don't think so.
You get the thing, you feel great for a while, and then the ache is right back where it was, asking for the next thing.
C.S. Lewis put it this way in Mere Christianity: “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
Brooks’s version is that happiness is something we’ll never fully find on this side of eternity. You can chase it, but it was never a left brain problem, so there was never going to be an answer at the bottom of the page.
How we ended up treating everything like an equation
Somewhere around the Enlightenment, we got really, really good at left brain problems. Reason, method, measurement, progress. It built the modern world, and I’m genuinely grateful for it every time I flush the toilet or have a hard time doing math beyond basic multiplication.
The problem is we liked it so much that we started applying it to everything. If it can’t be measured, it doesn’t count. If it doesn’t count, it can’t be improved. And if it can’t be improved, what are you even doing with your life?
We turned happiness into a function. More friends, more money, a bigger house, another car in the driveway, and the happiness number goes up, right?
Some things don’t have a function. They’re just there. And we’re probably better off not forcing one onto them.
The coffee that didn’t solve anything
A couple weeks ago, my friend Mike and I got coffee and went straight down the rabbit hole. We talked about sin and psychedelics, and whether using them is or isn’t acceptable. We talked about dreams, where they come from, and what they mean.
We didn’t solve anything. Nobody walked away with a framework. There was nothing truly logical about it. In fact, I think most people would have looked at the conversation and asked, "What was the point?"
Qualitatively, it was one of the best conversations I've had in a long time.
When I think about the moments that actually made me happy, they all look a lot more like that coffee than like a number.
The first time my daughter said “I love you.” Not really a function, but man, it brought a big smile under this bear.
The first time I saw my wife in the parking lot of Baked Bear in Pacific Beach and I saw her smile through the windshield of her car... cuz she almost hit me.
Demolishing a pizza with my best friend or hugging my grandparents.
Watching my parents be with my daughter.
You can’t put any of those in a spreadsheet, and you can’t quantify them either. You can only show up where they tend to happen and enjoy the moment.
Maybe it's not all about the numbers.
So use the left brain for left brain problems. Build the house, do the math, run the numbers on the business. It's nice when things that should work don't break.
But when something doesn’t have a set function, stop trying to give it one. Have the long coffee. Ask the question that doesn’t have a strict answer and go down the rabbit hole just for the hell of it. Listen to the story again, because you might not get another chance.
I don’t think happiness is something you ever solve. I think it shows up while you’re busy with the stuff nobody can measure.
— Zach
